There are hours in the wee morning when I feel like there are incredible burdens lifted off of my brain, and for a few hours, if my body miraculously remains awake, I am given a fantastic view of absolute clarity before the morning comes to suck the retinas from the back of my eyes.
Sometimes I feel like I'm dizzier than I've been in years! My mind is constantly twisting around bends in the road I never even realized were there. But is that what I want? Do I really want to closet all the love I have for the well-trodden path? I'm an adventurer at heart but even I am enamoured with the familiarity of home and hearth, of good bread and soup, a home that is both there and not, as I've never known such warmth in any place I've lived. Sometimes I pine for it so badly I can taste it in my throat. I won't be able to resist the lowering of anchor at some point in my life, but the longer I can hold it back with the endorphin rush of pure NEWNESS, the better.
I'm dizzy now. Sometimes my body allows me wakefulness for a time far extending any reach of regularity, but I start to pay for it at the end. It's just that sometimes bed seems like the least viable option, especially when my brain spins off into equations and what-ifs that perform infinite loops in the processor of my brain, me all the while fumbling for some kind of reset button.
Sometimes I feel like my personality is splitting out into tiny slivers that are embedding themselves in a completely darkened sky, and thusly spread thin I become distant and ineffective, like stars. I hate to think that I may not have influence, which is really an odd thing considering I never particularly use my influence to any productive end. If anything, my influence is used mostly just to reassure myself that I still have that influence. I clutch it like a sword or a blanket, depending upon the day.
